Being as in love with you as I am
by A fool who thinks they're wise
Summary: When Hiccup and Jack meet, Hiccup is only a baby and Jack is three. But they soon become inseparable. AU where Hiccup and Jack are both human and have known each other since they were just little kids, and the many trials and tribulations they face. Hijack.


Hey all!  
So this, is a little different than what I normally write when it comes  
to Hijack; it's quite a bit darker than usual, and there are some things  
that might be trigger worthy to some people.  
Do please don't read if any of the following things upset you:  
**Warnings: Minor Character Death, Alcohol Abuse, Underage Drinking,  
Assault, Threats of Sexual Assault/Rape, Bullying, Slight Child Neglect, Blaspheming  
Disclaimer: I do not own the movies How To Train Your Dragon, or Rise Of The Guardians, those belong to  
Dreamworks.  
Before we continue, there is also some mature language in here as well, so turn back now if that bugs you.**

The title comes from the Bastille cover of Locked Out Of Heaven (Mash-up) preformed for BBC Radio 1.  
Here we go.**  
**

* * *

I stand amid the roar  
Of a surf-tormented shore,  
And I hold within my hand  
Grains of the golden sand-  
How few! yet how they creep  
Through my fingers to the deep  
While I weep-while I weep!  
O God! can I not grasp  
Them with a tighter clasp?  
O God! can I not save  
_One _from the pitiless wave?  
Is _all _that we see or seem  
But a dream within a dream?  
-Edgar Allan Poe, _A Dream Within A Dream_

* * *

When Hiccup and Jack first meet, Hiccup is five weeks old and has spent the first weeks of his life keeping his mother and father busy by alternating between crying all hours of the night and looking so cute that his mother can't seem to find it in herself to leave him and get a few hours of respite in the sparse time that he spends sleeping peacefully. Which leads to his father sitting beside her in-between answering e-mails and phone calls from the office and trying to get her to at the very least rest against him and take some of the strain off of her worn body.

Jack is three years old, and has spent most of his toddler life pulling pranks on his unsuspecting mother and father along with generally acting like a mischievous little sprite. His amber eyes lighting up amid his brown hair as he goes about his life already armed with the philosophy that one should endeavor to have fun at all times. And being dragged to his mother's best friend's house to see a baby, Jack rather loudly (whines) protests, doesn't promise to be any variation of fun. His mother merely hands him a juice box, straps him into his car seat and sets off towards the Haddock's house without comment, all attention focused on the thrilling prospect of meeting the new baby. Babies, and younger children in general, he finds, make it their life's mission to (steal all the attention away him) be as annoying as possible. With their whining and their crying and all manner of oddities that make him extremely glad that he has moved past that stage in his life.

So it would appear to all as though the universe has managed to set up their first meeting to be an utter disaster.

Except it's not.

Jack wanders in the Haddock's house after his mother, slurping his juice with a pout as his eyes see but do not observe the finesse of the home around him. Though he does take a moment to wonder why they don't have a big, shiny, sparkly thing hanging above their dinner table like the Haddock's do; and why while his mother seems intrigued and in slight awe of it, Mrs. Haddock is trying to avoid looking at it for too long, instead concentrating her gaze on the small bundle in her arms.

Speaking of…

Jack turns away, slight pout becoming more pronounced as his imaginative mind runs through all the different kinds of mischief and havoc he could create, though he can't stop his eyes from flicking back over to where his mother is accepting the strange bundle; rocking it back and forth and smiling softly at it. Jealousy stirs up irritation inside him, and he marches over to his mother and tugs impatiently on her pant-leg, wanting to get her attention back on him, where it has been for most of the three years of his life.

"Mama." He insists impatiently, tugging harder at her pant-leg and managing to snatch her attention away from the baby for a few seconds. She looks down and him and smiles, before crouching down so that the two of them are eye-level while keeping the baby firmly in her grasp. "Sorry Jack," She tells him, "Do you want to say hi to Hiccup too?" She moves the bundle in her arms so that Jack can see it better. Jack wants to huff and turn away and sip on his juice box until his mother decides that she's bored and takes them home for dinner, because _no_ he does _not want_ to say hi to the attention-stealing bundle in her arms.

But the universe has other ideas.

And as he's turning away, his amber eyes meet eyes so new they have yet to settle on their own colour.  
But they meet Jack's eyes all the same.

Jack finds himself intrigued, moving forward despite himself to peer closer at this strange creature, who is watching him with the same amount of curiosity echoed on his freckle-sprinkled feature. Suddenly the creature giggles, startling him, and reaches up a hand to pat Jack's face, giggling and gurgling all the while. And Jack finds himself smiling back, enjoying the attention and marveling at the simple fascination and pleasure that his face seems to give this "Hiccup."

Later on, when his mother gets up from her conversation with Mrs. Haddock, with the intention of finding him so that they can go home and have dinner with his father, she finds him curled up on his side next to Hiccup's crib; where Hiccup had been placed a few hours ago once he had finally drifted off, napping. She smiles and scoops him into her arms, traipsing carefully down the stairs so as not to wake him. Turning to bid her friend a farewell, she reminds her that she's only a phone-call away should she ever need anything, and departs.

This is how Hiccup Haddock and Jack Frost meet.

* * *

When Hiccup is four and Jack is seven, Hiccup's mother dies.

The two are running around the yard, playing their favorite game: Guardians. Where Jack is an all-powerful spirit of winter, who can make it snow whenever he wants (which is all the time) and fly; and Hiccup is a spirit of autumn, which he doesn't find very interesting until Jack tells him that mean he can make it rain and use lightning, (then he finds it_ awesome_) and fly as well.

Unfortunately, despite being an all-powerful spirit of autumn, he gets kidnapped quite a lot, which results in Jack having to save him quite a lot. But he doesn't think Jack minds very much, because he always seems very proud of himself when he does so, and looks at Hiccup as though he should be proud of him as well (before tickling him and causing him to erupt into giggles.)

"Jack!" He giggles, going slightly breathless. "Stop!" His brown hair is filled with tints of red in the bright sunlight that Jack finds fascinating.

Jack laughs, "Nope," and continues to tickle Hiccup mercilessly until a loud clatter crashes through warm sunlight and pops the bubble of oblivious bliss surrounding them. Both of their heads turn in tandem to where the noise has come from, Jack ceases his tickling, hopping up and lifting Hiccup to his feet; taking care to make sure he is behind him before making his way back into his house to find where the noise had come from.

They find Jack's mother sitting on the kitchen floor, phone laying a short distance from her as she stares into everything and nothing, eyes watching something invisible to the both of them.  
Jack makes his way over to her, "Mom?" He asks softly, worry beginning to gnaw away at him when she doesn't respond. Hiccup wobbles over to where Jack's standing, fingers cleaving to the loose material of his shirt in an effort to find some security.

Jack feels his own fear rise sharply when he finds he has none to give.

"Mom!" He cries, moving out of Hiccup's grasp to shake her shoulders with his small seven-year old hands as Hiccup begins to sniffle behind him. She blinks then, coming out of her daze and peering over Jack's shoulder at Hiccup, tears filling up in his big, green eyes as they begin to fall from her soft brown ones. Her face scrunches up in pain and she reaches for Jack, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing as though she's scared he'll disappear the moment she lets go.  
"Hiccup," She says, voice cracked and breaking at the edges, "Would you come here honey?"

Hiccup practically runs across the space between them, skidding to a halt and hovering there uncertainly before being pulled into her arms as well as she begins to sob, shoulders heaving from the effort.

They sit like that for a long time, until Jack's father comes home and finds them all on the floor. He gently puts down his briefcase and lifts Hiccup and Jack away from his wife, before pulling her to her feet and leading her upstairs to her bedroom. When he comes back down, his face is haggard and pale and his whole body sags with fatigue.

"Jack," He says, running a hand through his hair, "Hiccup's going to stay here and sleep in your room tonight, ok?"  
Jack nods, confusion and worry still gnawing at his chest. "Is mommy all right?" He asks his earnestly, eyes searching his father desperately for an answer.  
Jack's father hesitates before reaching down and ruffling Jack's hair, a phony smile playing across his lips. "She's fine bud, don't worry."  
Jack doesn't believe him, not really, but a little bit of the worry stops eating away at him and he half-smiles. Beside him, Hiccup moves a little closer to Jack before asking his own question.

"Why am I staying?"

Jack's father looks a little taken aback by this, probably because Hiccup has taken to avoid speaking whenever Jack is there to do the speaking for him, and when the actual question sinks in, he appears to deflate slightly.  
"Your folks are just a little busy this evening, Hiccup," He tells him, laying a hand on Hiccup's shoulder and staring into red-rimmed eyes. "Nothing to worry about though."

Hiccup remains tense, eyes still filled with worry and doubt, and Jack finds that he can't stand the expression on his face, so he slips his hand into Hiccup's and pulls him along after him up the stairs.

"Come on," He says, forcing enthusiasm into his voice, "we can play with the new toys I got for my birthday, and then we can play some more Guardians and I can rescue you from Pitch again. And then when Dad says we have to go to bed, we can trick him into thinking we are and then stay up late. And when we're tired, you can share my bed." He smiles when some of the tension leaves Hiccup shoulders and tugs him up the rest of the stairs, "It'll be fun!"

And later on, when they're both curled up in bed with Hiccup snuggled up into Jack's chest and his arm thrown across him, if Jack wakes up to the sound of his mother sobbing in his father's arms and his low, soothing tones, and hears snatches of conversation such as: "Oh God," "My best friend," "Who the fuck _**drinks**_ at _**4:00**_ in the afternoon, and _**then drives**_?" "Oh **God**," "I should've let her have them at her house today," "I **should've**," "Why didn't I?" "Oh, God, _**why**_?" he doesn't do much of anything except pull Hiccup in closer to him. And he certainly doesn't bring it up with either his mother or Hiccup the next morning.

Though he does go so far as to briefly entertain the notion that they should pretend to be asleep, or at least just cuddle there, for as long as they could possibly manage. But before he can even get the chance to suggest it to the slowly awakening Hiccup, Stoick is carefully pushing open the door to his room and crossing across the floor between them, reaching down to grab Hiccup from Jack's arms.

Despite the fact that Jack knows they can't stay here forever, he can't help from tightening his arms around Hiccup, if only to keep him safe and secure from the cruel reality of the outside world for just a moment longer. Of course, this means that Stoick notices that he's awake and tries to convince him to let go of Hiccup so that he can take him home. When he refuses to even acknowledge Stoick's request, Stoick calls for his father, who tugs his arms away from Hiccup and allows Stoick to scoop up the sleep boy in his arms and take him back to an empty house.

Every bone in Jack's body protests this, but unfortunately, his body is that of a child, and thus his opinions and his protest have no real weight in the adult world.

But when he sees Hiccup at the funeral, dressed in black with his Uncle Gobber between him and his father, he can't stop himself from wishing that he had held on tighter, refused to let go and just kept Hiccup with him; safe from this harsh world and all these shades of black, dark blue and purple surrounding them, like the colors of the bruises he sometimes gets on his knees.

There is a terrible silence that raises the hair on the back of Jack's neck as a big black wooden box tied with a big white ribbon and a bunch of huge, white lilies is lowered into a huge hole and then buried. Stoick remains aloof and distant as, what the various bruised shades of colour around them whisper, a way of coping with what has happened. He either doesn't care, or can't bring himself to notice, the tears streaming down Hiccup's freckled cheeks to the earth below.

But Jack can't let it go unnoticed.

Slipping away from his mother, whose face is drawn tight with grief, all traces of happiness washed away from her body, he makes his way through the various bodies around him and to Hiccup's side. Hiccup, lost, scared, and unable to fully understand where his mother went and why his father is crying, doesn't notice his arrival until he reaches down and tangles their fingers together.

Jumping slightly, Hiccup raises his head and meets Jack's concerned eyes with his tear-filled ones, hiccupping softly. Jack tightens his grip on Hiccup's hand and, like he'd seen his father do to his mother a few days before, wipes the tears from his cheeks before letting his hand fall back to his side. Hiccup returns the grip on his hand and goes back to staring at the big hole in the ground as the man in the long, white coat begins to speak for a final time. Jack keeps his grip on Hiccup's hand, even when one of the various shades of colour behind them makes an affronted noise and mutters something along the lines of: "Really, what are they teaching children these days?"

And: "I would've thought that Stoick would've taught his child to be more respectable than that."

Which causes Stoick to _finally_ glance down at Hiccup for the first time that Jack has seen since they had arrived. A variety of expressions storm his face when he notices their intertwined hands, and for a moment Jack thinks he is about to tear Hiccup away from his grip. He glares balefully at him, daring him to even try it, because this time Jack knows that he's not going to let go, not for the world.

Stoick doesn't even meet his gaze before it falls away from Hiccup with a sigh and shifts back towards where the man in the long, white robe is finishing his speech, just in time for the first drops of rain to fall.  
Everyone endures a few moments more of silence and rainwater before rushing back to the church building for cover.

Stoick stays for only a moment longer than that before turning and practically running away from the grave and towards the solace of friends and family, leaving Hiccup to be gently tugged away and led back by Jack and his father; while his mother continues to stare at the grave as the rain soaks her clothes and hair, washing away her make-up but leaving her grief.

Later, with his hand still clasped around Hiccup's, he watches as the others give Stoick their condolences and their farewells, and looks on through the window as his father attempts to gently pull his mother away from the headstone. His attention is drawn back to Hiccup when he snuggles against his shoulder and lets his tired eyes shift close. Jack wraps an arm around him to pull him closer and makes a promise to himself that he'll always look after him, no matter what.

* * *

When Jack is eleven and Hiccup is eight, Jack leaves to find the ball that they were playing catch with in the park and Hiccup suddenly finds himself surrounded by a group of boys, all bigger than him and around Jack's age.  
"What's a scrawny, brat like you doing on our side of the park?" One of them snarls, crossing their arms over their chest and staring down at Hiccup threateningly.

Hiccup looks away, refusing to meet the other boy's eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was your side of the park." He tries to shuffle past them. "I'll go now."

The biggest one grabs him, preventing his escape and easily throws him to the ground, pinning him with his boot when he tries to get back up. "You think you can trespass on our territory and get away with 'sorry'?" He demands, his grin feral.  
Hiccup narrows his eyes, irritation and fear thrumming through him. "I didn't know it was your side of the park." He rolls his eyes. "It's not like there's a sign or anything."  
The big one loses his grin and grabs Hiccup by the front of his shirt, pulling him up to eye-level and bringing them close enough for their noses to brush. "Doesn't mean you can just walk around like you own the place." He hisses, eyes narrowing.

"Look, I said I was sorry, what more do you want?" Hiccup snaps back, even as his heart skips a beat the moment the words leave his lips.  
The big one growls and brings his fist back. "To teach you a lesson." He snarls, and then punches Hiccup so hard that he sees stars spin before his eyes, before dropping him back on the ground.

Which is, of course, the moment that Jack returns from grabbing the ball.

"Hiccup!" He cries, running forward and dropping to his knees. "Are you ok?" He asks, tracing his fingers around a rapidly reddening spot on Hiccup cheek. Hiccup groans and mutters a quiet: "Yeah," against the pain blossoming across his cheek. Jack allows himself a moment of slight relief before his anger at seeing someone hurt his best friend overcomes him and he stands up, glaring at the boy who had punched Hiccup.

"Awww, scrawny has a fwiend." The big one spits mockingly. "Come to receive your punishment for trespassing as well?"  
Jack growls and lunges with all the ferocity of a wounded bear, without the handicap, shocking the big one and all his cronies and allowing him to get the jump on him.

There are only a few moments of struggling before Jack has him pinned to the floor in one of the various moves his martial arts teacher has taught him, whimpering quietly. Satisfied that the boy isn't going to be a threat anymore, Jack turns back to where Hiccup and the rest of the boys are, only for them to take off as soon as he takes one step towards them. Jack scoffs at their cowardice before making his way over to Hiccup; who looks at him with slight awe in his eyes and definite shame burning in his cheeks.

"Are you alright?" Jack asks again, leaning down to pull Hiccup to his feet.  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Hiccup mutters, even as his fingers rise to press softly on the growing bruise on his cheek, the sight of which makes Jack's blood boil with anger again and he half-turns back to where he left the boy, only to see that he has taken off. He clenches his teeth and turns back to where Hiccup is standing with his eyes fixed on his shoes. Jack crosses the distance between them and leans down to get a closer look at Hiccup's cheek.

"We're going to have to put some ice on that." He tells him, but Hiccup's eyes still refuse to meet his.

"Hiccup," He says softly, and when that doesn't work, he leans down to tangle their hands together in a familiar gesture, unaware of how it looks to the outside world, and on how soon Hiccup's father will insist that they stop doing it, even (especially) when there's no one around but the two of them.

But for now, the two are blissfully ignorant, and the gesture causes Hiccup's eyes to meet Jack's without fail, like always.

"What's wrong?" Jack asks, concern evident in his tone.  
Hiccup laughs quietly, but Jack's ears can't detect any trace of humor.

"I just find it kind of funny that I'm always the damsel in distress. And you always have to come save me from the big bad dragon, or wolf, or whatever." Hiccup tells him, a guilt and sadness that he doesn't let into his tone shines within his eyes. "I guess…sometimes I feel that it's kind of uneven, you know? Me being the damsel and you being the hero all the time, I just, I wish you didn't have to be." His voice trails away into a whisper as the guilt begins to seep through his tone.

Jack feels his heart twinge painfully.

"Hey," He says softly, "I happen to like being the hero you know?" He puffs out his chest and sends Hiccup a wink. "Makes me seem really cool; plus, if I could pick anyone to be my damsel, it'd be you Hic." He tightens his grip around Hiccup's hand. "And it's not at all uneven, Hic, I seem to recall you being my hero plenty of times."

Memories of slammed doors, raised voice, cruel words, empty bottles strewn around the kitchen and pretty much everywhere else in the house, sobbed words, and apologies that would turn into new arguments fill his mind only to be soothed back to sleep by the feel of Hiccup's hand against his; or their shoulders brushing together as they played up in the safety of his room or, when even that seemed compromised, in the very park they stood in now. Bright smiles from a freckled face with beautiful green eyes, and a warm feeling that spread throughout his very being and banished the darker ones from existence at the very sight of a short, slim figure coming towards him.

Hiccup still looks unsure, and Jack brings him into a hug, pulling him in close.

"Trust me, Hic," He says, letting his eyes fall closed for a moment as he enjoys the warm feeling spreading through his being. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

* * *

When Hiccup is eleven and Jack is fourteen, Jack buys blue contacts and white hair dye with the pocket money he's been saving all summer and Hiccup sits on his bed, reading his novel study book and chatting through the doorway with Jack as he dyes his hair; who refuses to let Hiccup in until the process is complete.

"Any particular reason for this radical change, or are you just rebelling?" Hiccup asks dryly, turning the next page of Tuck Everlasting.

Jack laughs. "A bit of both really." He calls back, and he can practically see the small smile curling at the edges of Hiccup's lips. "I'm pretty sure my mom's going to have a small heart attack when she sees, and my dad's going to make some comment about how no son of his is going to go around looking like some crazy drug addict." He tries to keep the vindictive tone out of his voice, but a bit of it slips into it anyways, something that might have gone unnoticed were it anyone other than Hiccup in the next room; but as it is Hiccup in the next room, he might as well have let it flood into his tone.

There is a small silence before Hiccup hums gently and murmurs with just a hint (read: tremendous amount) of sarcasm: "Well, as they say, 'don't fear death, fear the un-lived life'."  
"Pretty sure there's a good chance that Angus Tuck might actually keel over if he heard you using his words to support my rebellious actions."

Hiccup rolls his eyes. "I'm not, it's called sarcasm, I'm pretty sure you've heard of it."  
"Yeah, actually I have; mostly from this weird, scrawny, freckly-faced kid that I know."

Hiccup huffs, "At least I don't spend hours in the bathroom, messing around with my hair, like a _girl_," because he is eleven, and this is still the most serious insult he knows.

Fourteen-year-old Jack, however, knows quite a few worse ones, (and has spent quite a large amount of his time making sure that Hiccup has never gotten the chance to hear them) and simply smirks and calls back through the door: "Some of us actually like to take the time to look _**fantastic**_, unlike _someone_ I know."  
"Is that what the other bit of this is about?" Hiccup asks. "You thinking that dying your hair and changing your eye color will make you look "fantastic"?" Hiccup isn't sure it will, and privately, (and by privately he means he shall never tell anyone ever as long as he lives) he mourns the loss of soft brown hair and shining amber eyes.

Jack grins as he towels off his hair. "Pretty much; high school starts in a few days, Hic, and I gotta look my best, kick the year off with a bang."

Hiccup goes quiet for a minute, like he does every time the age difference between the two of them is mentioned, taking that minute to swallow down the rising fear that, eventually, Jack will get tired of hanging out with a kid like him and want to spend his time with people closer to his own age. And then, Hiccup will be left without his only friend faster than you can say: scrawny, freckly-faced kid.

Though Hiccup has come to think that, if the strange dreams he's been having are anything to go by, the depth of his feelings he harbors towards Jack might not be as strictly friendly as he thinks.

Jack, taking his silence as a sign that Hiccup has become lost in his book again, finishes toweling off his hair and throws his clothes back on, puts his new contacts in and throws open the door, striding into the room.  
"Well?" He says, prompting Hiccup to look up from his book. "How do I look?"

Jack grins as Hiccup's jaw drops, awe working its way across his features.

Jack looks…incredible.

His shockingly white hair is ruffled and messy, but still somehow gorgeous, and his blue eyes pop against his pale skin, making him look like an ethereal being, like the winter sprite that he so loved to pretend he was and Hiccup is struck by how well his name fits him now; and wonders if that was Jack's intention the whole time.

Jack's grin turns smug as the silence stretches between, Hiccup searching valiantly for the right words, but coming up with nothing. "Speechless, huh?"

Hiccup recovers enough to send him a withering look, which only earns him another chuckle, and he is caught by the thought how easy it would be to cross the distance between them and pull Jack down for a kiss.  
Flushing as he shoves the thought away and averts his eyes from Jack's stunning new form, he rolls his eyes and says: "Don't let it go to your head, your ego's big enough as it is." He marks his page and closes his book, grabbing his backpack from where it rests at the side of the bed and placing his book inside.

"Aww…" Jack teases affectionately. "You know you love me."

Hiccup's hands freeze for a fraction of a second before swiftly continuing as though nothing has happened. "Keep telling yourself that Jack." He gets up off the bed and tugs his backpack on. "I've got to get going, I still need to feed Toothless when I get home."

Jack looks slightly disappointed at the idea of Hiccup leaving already, and Hiccup tries to shake off the warm feeling gathering in his chest and stomach. "Ok, are we still on for the park tomorrow?"  
Hiccup gives him a small smile, hand resting on the doorknob. "Yeah, see you then ok?"

Jack nods, going over and flopping down onto his bed with a wave of his hand. "Say 'hi' to the fur ball for me."  
Hiccup opens the door and calls over his shoulder. "I'll remind him to bite your hand again the next time he sees you."  
As he heads down the stairs to say goodbye to Jack's father, seeing as his mother always manages to either be out of the house or busy in her room whenever he visits, a smirk sneaks onto his face at Jack's grumbled:

"Toothless my ass."

* * *

When Hiccup is fourteen and Jack is seventeen, he starts going to the same high school as Jack.

It would be perfect,

if not for the fact that the last time they spoke Hiccup was twelve and Jack was fifteen.

* * *

The deterioration of their friendship had started off slow; with Jack suddenly becoming very busy whenever Hiccup asked him to hangout at the park, or his house, or…anywhere really.

They still hung out though, just, less and less and _less_ as time went on, to the point where Jack became too busy to reply to Hiccup's phone calls.

His many, _many_ phone calls.

Still, Hiccup told himself, even as his heart cracked around the edges, that was to be expected; Jack was in high school now, he probably had less time for everyone he knew.  
So, Hiccup had decided to wait until Jack became free again and phoned _him_ instead.

So he waited.

And waited.

And…waited.

Until finally he had thrown his hands up into the air, marched over to Jack's house with the express idea of yelling and throwing everything within reach at him, and instead had come to a halt when Jack's house and Jack and a girl with long black hair attempting to suck the life out of each other on his front porch came into view.

He stood there, frozen, until a guy came out of the house and interrupting the face-sucking session by handing Jack a bottle.

Hiccup watched as Jack cracked open the top and guzzled down its contents, hazy memories of empty bottles and Jack's broken eyes haunting him and, before he knew it, he was rushing down the street, bounding up the steps and trying to wrestle the bottle away from Jack.

"Hiccup!" Jack's voice was full of heat and slightly slurred as he shook off Hiccup's hand, causing Hiccup to wonder how many of these bottles he'd already had. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing _here_?" He asked, incredulous. "What are _you_ _**doing**_?"

"Friend of yours, Jack?" The guy asked, as the girl scoffed, draping herself over Jack with the air of someone who Hiccup decided had **definitely** had too many of those bottles.

Jack's eyes hardened.

"No." He spat harshly, making Hiccup flinch as his heart gave another painful pang. "He's just one of my neighbor's kids."  
"Really?" The guy mused, looking Hiccup up and down in a way that made his flesh crawl, as Jack knocked back another gulp of beer. "Shame, he's actually pretty cute; sure he's not a girl?"  
The girl snorted and ran her hand over Jack's chest, causing Hiccup's stomach and chest to clench painfully. "Pedo." She muttered.

The guy shrugged. "Hey, I call it like I see it." He offered the bottle in his hand towards Hiccup. "Want a sip?"

Jack got up from his seat and grabbed the bottle from the guy's outstretched hand before Hiccup had a chance to respond. "No, he doesn't." The words were full of a familiar sharp, protectiveness that Hiccup has learned to rely on.  
The guy smirked at Jack and threw his hands up in mock surrender. "Sorry, just trying to be polite to this cute thing like my mother taught me."

Jack face twisted up in a way that makes Hiccup's heart stammer painfully. "You don't need to be _polite_ to him," He spat as he took another swing from the bottle and glared at Hiccup when he shifted forward slightly. "He's just this stupid kid that ruins everything he touches."

Hiccup's body froze as hazy memories knocked through the carefully constructed walls he had built around them.

_Jack's mother standing by the kitchen counter, with yet another bottle in her hand, screeching at Hiccup. Her face screwed up in anger despite the tears gathering in her eyes._

_**"It's your fault."**__  
_

_Another gulp from the bottle.  
_

_**"If you hadn't come over that day."**__  
_

_She sways slightly on her feet, though the hate and pain remains fixed in her eyes.  
_

_**"You're the reason she's dead!"**__  
_

_A bottle flies through the air towards him, only narrowly avoiding him as Jack pulls him aside, gathering his shaking form in his arms and rushing him out the door, but not fast enough for him to miss the desperate screech of her next words.  
_

_**"You ruin everything you touch!"**_

He stumbled backwards, away from Jack and the girl and the guy and the memories that tug and pull at his breaking heart, and ran. He didn't stop running until he was back in his room, curled up on his bed with Toothless gently nuzzling at his face despite the tears and his shaking form.

And still, some part of him refused to believe that the Jack he had just seen was the only thing left of the Jack that he knew, that he loved. Refused to believe that the same Jack who had reached down and tangled their fingers together before drawing Hiccup into his arms, who had protected Hiccup from cruel words and hard fists since before he could remember, could ever be the same person who had sat on that porch and glared at Hiccup like he wished that if he stared long enough, Hiccup would spontaneously combust and disappear from his life forever.

It must have been the beer, Hiccup told himself. He'd seen what it does to people, good people; like Jack's mother, who used to smile whenever she saw him, not lock herself away in her room whenever he came over. He'd seen the way it transformed kind, beautiful people, into haggard, cruel revenants of their former selves.

So he told himself that it must have been the beer, and that when Jack finally came back to his senses, he'd call him and apologize for everything; for ditching him, for ignoring his phone calls, for pretending to be busy so they wouldn't have to hang out, and for making his heart feel like a tattered shamble of what it was supposed to be.

When Jack still hadn't called him after almost a month, he could almost feel his heart shatter into thousands of irreparable pieces, and he had to muffle his cries with his pillow so that his father wouldn't hear; Toothless curled up next to him as he cried, providing the only solace he had left to cling to.

And when he finally stopped crying, he sat up, Toothless climbing into his lap and purring softly, a dull aching hole punched through his gut and a throbbing ache in his chest where his heart should be.

The next year was his last year at middle school, and he threw himself into his coursework, reading the textbook cover to cover, memorizing every last detail he could find, in an attempt to fill the hole in his gut and provide a distraction from the throbbing ache. He got near perfect in all his courses, getting notes home from several teachers to his father, praising his prowess; except for Mrs. Milton, who he caught frowning at him worriedly on several occasions.

She gave him an envelope to give to his father a week before the end of the school year, her grey eyes studying him carefully as she did so. He opened it at home, his father was away on a weeklong conference trip and likely wouldn't be back until the end of the school year, he always managed to find some reason to stay away from home just that little bit longer; getting Gobber to check in on Hiccup and make sure that he had everything he needed.

Mrs. Milton wrote to his father about how she was worried about him, how quiet and withdrawn he had become, how he seemed to regard every homework assignment with a worry amount of attention to detail. How he didn't seem to have any friends in the class, or any at all for that matter; did he seem stressed at home? Was there anything that she could help with?

Hiccup tore the letter up and threw it in the recycling before going to study for his science test the next day.

Jack still hadn't called.

And he still hadn't managed to get rid of the part of him that was still waiting for him to.

So when Hiccup is fourteen and Jack is seventeen and Hiccup sees him at the end of the hallway at the end of his first day, Jack's hair still white and his blue contacts still in, Hiccup pauses; long enough for Jack to look up and make eye contact with him.

They hold each other's gaze for a moment, Jack's eyes calm and seemingly unaffected, and Hiccup's long without their familiar spark, before Jack shuts his locker and turns away without another word.

And Hiccup stops waiting for Jack to call.

* * *

A month or so into his first semester, he finds himself pulled aside after Biology by a girl with blue eyes and blonde hair in a braid down her back.

"Hey," She says, looking up and down his skinny frame, clearly not impressed with what she sees, "You're the kid whose getting 99%, right?"

He rolls his eyes, he can see where this is going.

"Yup, that's me." He tugs his arm out her grip. "And the answer is no; like I told the others, I'm not doing your homework for you, so you can all just stop asking."  
She scoffs. "I'm not asking you to do my homework."  
"Then what are you asking?" Hiccup says, feet shifting impatiently, he has art class next and he wants as much time as possible to work on his drawing.

She leans back and crosses her arms, clearly reluctant to ask. Hiccup wants to tear his hair out, he can tell that he already going to be late if he doesn't book it through the halls. He's almost about to just go when she finally speaks.

"I want you to tutor me."

He nearly drops his textbook.

"You're joking."

She glares.

"No, actually I'm not."

He shakes his head in disbelief. "You want me to _tutor_ you?"

"This may surprise you, but not all of us are getting 99% in this course." She snaps, cheeks flushing slightly.  
He sighs, shaking his head slightly, half wanting to refuse, but the ache in his gut has been insatiable lately, and no knowledge seems to fill or distract from it. He blames it on the glimpses of Jack in the halls every day and finds himself hating even more Jack for it.

Maybe this will provide the distraction he needs.

"Alright, sure." He says, to the surprise of the girl, (though she does seems to loosen up once he agrees.) "Meet me in the library after the last bell rings, ok?"  
"Alright." She agrees, and he turns to go before the sound of her voice causes him to pause again. "My name's Astrid by the way."

He looks at her, watching him expectantly with her arms folded across her chest and eyebrow raised, and (despite noting that he is so_, so_, late for class) he hesitates a moment before replying.

"Hiccup." He says, before taking off down the hallway.

* * *

Tutoring Astrid is not what he expected.

He figures that they will maintain a state of careful neutrality towards each other throughout the whole tutoring process. That she will take what she needs from him and never speak to him outside of their sessions.

He doesn't figure on them becoming friends.

Astrid is all blazing fire, spunk and strength; and she doesn't seem to notice nor care to see if there's anything like that beneath the surface of the scrawny, quiet kid in front of her, and for the first few sessions, it goes like Hiccup imagines it going.

And then they're sitting there, with Astrid working on a review worksheet and Hiccup finishing up his novel for English, and she throws her hands up into the air and lets out a low-pitched cry of frustration, so as not to draw the attention of the librarian. Hiccup glances at her from where he's reading his book and raises an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

Astrid growls in frustration. "I cannot, for the life of me, remember what flagellates and ciliates are."  
Hiccup closes his book and places it down on the table. "Flagellates are protists that move using flagella, which are whip-like organelles that propel the protist forward. Ciliates are protists that move using cilia, which are oar-like organelles located all around the protist."

Astrid looks slightly awed before shaking the expression on her face and turning her attention back to her review package. "Thanks," She says, tucking a stray blonde hair behind her ears, pausing and giving time for Hiccup to pick up his book again before asking: "How come you're so good at this?"

Hiccup shrugs. "Well, 'like all magnificent things, it's very simple'." He drawls sarcastically, hoping that his tone will put her off any further questions.

Instead Astrid blinks before a confused sort of smile started to spread across her face. "Did you just quote Tuck Everlasting?"

Hiccup glances over at her, unable to keep the slight surprise off his features. "Yeah," he says, carefully, "How'd you know?"

Astrid grins. "It's one of my favorite books. Have you read Holes?"

Hiccup shakes his head, a little confused as to exactly where this conversation is leading. Astrid practically jumps out of her chair and rushes towards the book shelves, coming back after a few minutes with a book and handing it off to Hiccup.  
"Read it," She tells him, "Trust me, you won't regret it. But for now," She sits back down in her chair, review questions forgotten for the moment. "Let's talk more about Tuck; my friends all read it and forgot about it in middle school; none of them were really into reading at the time."

She rolls her eyes. "Well, except for Fishlegs, but he was more interested in the properties of the water than the actual story line."

"Fishlegs?" Hiccup asks, his eyebrow rising.

Astrid waves her hands dismissively, "It's a nickname."

* * *

After that, he and Astrid become friends at a pace that makes Hiccup's head reel.

They spend quite a good chunk of their study sessions discussing books and recommending them to one and other. But Hiccup doesn't let himself believe that this is going to change how they interact during school hours; that is until, as he's walking to his normal spot by the cafeteria window, he gets waved over by Astrid and thrust into her circle of friends without a hope in hell of being released anytime soon.

He meets blonde twins named Ruff and Tuff, the infamous Fishlegs, and his own cousin (whom he has already privately nicknamed Snotlout and still to this day refuses to acknowledge his real name.)

At first, they regard him with slight suspicion, but eventually, he finds himself beginning to enjoy his lunches with them, the hole in his gut slowly being sown shut; and he finds himself marveling at the fact that, for the first time in two years, he has _friends_.

And he is _actually_ **happy**.

So, naturally, this is when the universe decides it's time to screw him over again.

* * *

He's sitting in the library, finishing up the book Astrid had recommended to him last week, and waiting for her to show up, when someone slides into the seat across from him and wolf whistles softly, dragging his attention from the book and into gleaming hazel eyes; though he notes that one of them is blood shot and surrounded by bruised skin.

Hiccup feels something hard and cold coil in his stomach; he's seen this guy before.

He was the one that had handed Jack the beer that night on his front porch.

"Well, haven't you grow up well?" He coos, running his eyes up and down Hiccup's body the way he had that night, causing the same crawling sensation to break out along Hiccup's skin.  
Hiccup struggles to keep his voice even. "Sorry, have we met before?"  
The guy lets a feral grin spread across his face. "Don't you remember? Or has the kid that 'ruins everything he touches' gotten his widdle memories all muddled up?"

Hiccup flinches just slightly, and another long forgotten memory stirs at the back of his mind, of a bully that had a surprisingly similar speech pattern.

Seeing that he has unsettled Hiccup sends a satisfied smirk across the guy's face. He leans forward on the table, as Hiccup unconsciously shrinks back against his chair. "We didn't get a chance to properly introduce ourselves that night." He extends a hand towards Hiccup. "Name's Dagur."

When Hiccup doesn't answer or move to take the outstretched hand, Dagur takes it back and runs it through his red hair. "Shy are we? That's cool; I already know your name. Hiccup. H. Haddock, right?"  
"Is there a point to all this small talk, or are you just wasting both of our times?"

Dagur chuckles. "Actually, there is." He gets up from his seat across the table and wanders around to plop into the one next to Hiccup, drumming his fingers idly across the counter-top as he sits. He fixes Hiccup with a sharp gaze that Hiccup manages to hold, icy green eyes meeting smug hazel ones. "I got a message for your buddy, Jack."

Hiccup snorts. "You must have gone temporarily blind and deaf that night if you think that Jack Frost is my 'buddy'. Hiccup picks up his book again. "Go tell him yourself."

Dagur's fingers clamp around Hiccup's wrist and drag his attention back to their conversation. "Listen here, _Hic_," He snarls, "you're going to tell Jack Frost my exact words," He twirls a throwing knife underneath the table where the Librarian can't see, "or I'm going to use you for target practice."

"Oooh resorting to violence, how _very_ original." Hiccup replies, trying to hide a wince as Dagur's grip tightens. "But I'm still not going to be your little messenger, those guys end up getting killed _way_ too often."

Dagur glowers at him, tugging on Hiccup's wrist and bringing him closer to his face, noses almost brushing, and Hiccup is so caught up in the huge wave of déjà vu crashing over him that he almost misses his next words.  
"How about this then? You are going to give Jack Frost my message, or I am going to use that pretty little blonde you're always in here with, for target practice. Capiche?"

Hiccup stares at him for a moment, trying to call him on his bluff, but when Dagur's hard face reveals nothing but steely determination, he feels his resolve crumble.

"Fine. What do you want me to tell him?"  
Dagur grins, "Knew you were smart enough to make the right call."He tells him, beginning to trail his hand up Hiccup's arm.

Hiccup steadfastly ignores the action, "Yeah, well, I live to please." Hiccup replies, tone biting even as his hands tremble slightly.

Dagur winks at him and Hiccup feels his stomach give another ugly twist. "I'll bet."

His hand cups Hiccup's chin and Hiccup swallows nervously, fingers clenching and unclenching as he tries to calm his steadily increasing heartbeat.

"I want you to tell Jack that he'd better watch his back, and the backs of all his little friends as well."

Hiccup rolls his eyes. "It's amazing how many prizes for originality you're winning here."  
Dagur's eyes narrow slightly and his grip tightens, wringing another wince out of Hiccup. Satisfied, Dagur allows a smirk to creep back onto his face.

"And," He says, voice dropping to a whisper as leans forward, crossing the distance between them, "I want you to tell him that he better take better care of his things," He brushes a thumb across Hiccup's slightly trembling lips, and leans forward to breath his next words into Hiccup's ear. "Otherwise people might try and steal them away."

And then, as abruptly as he came, he goes, pausing briefly to give Hiccup a wink before whistling his way out of the library.  
Hiccup waits until he's sure that Dagur's gone to let out the breath he was holding. He continues to breath deeply, head in hands, until Astrid shows up, and then he distracts both her and himself by ranting about the characteristics of sponges and mollusks for the next half hour or so.

* * *

He waits until the next day at lunch to approach Jack.

He puts his tray down at their table, Astrid shooting him a worried look, before saying that he'll be right back and heading over to where Jack and a group of his friends are sitting.

Jack looks much better than the time that Hiccup saw him on the his porch, his eyes gleaming with a familiar kind of energy that promises mischief and fun. His skin has a healthy glow, and his face is lit up with a smile, happiness echoing all over his relaxed features. There is no trace of regret, of guilt, or longing for the freckly-faced kid that he used to know, just joy at being surrounding by his friends.

Hiccup hates him for it.

So when he approaches their table, half expecting to be told to piss off the moment he gets within shouting distance, he pretends that he doesn't care about the surprise, and false guilt that infuses Jack's features once those stupid blue eyes spot him.

If he really felt guilty, he'd have called.

"Hiccup." He can't stop his heart from giving another painful pang, it's been so long since he heard Jack's voice, and he has to swallow down a hard lump in his throat. The girl sitting beside Jack looks at him as well, slight surprise and concern mapped all over her features, wide violet eyes and tetra-color dyed hair (green, blue with hints of gold and purple). Seated across from them is a boy with sandy-hair and amber eyes that takes in Hiccup's form curiously, and next to him is a boy with dyed grey-white hair with tips of black and green eyes that regards him with something that looks like a mix of suspicion and pity.

He finds himself hating them all.

He coughs slightly, clearing his throat and staring down at his shoes, refusing to meet Jack's eyes. He doesn't see why he should have to put his heart through that.

He doesn't think Jack deserves it.

"Dagur told me to give you a message." He says, not seeing the way everyone's eyes widen and narrow slightly and the flare of concern that alights in Jack's. "He said, and I quote here, 'that you'd better watch your back and the backs of all your little friends.'" He rolls his eyes. "You sure know how to pick 'em, Jack."

"Hiccup—" Jack starts to say, but Hiccup swiftly cuts him off.

"He also said that you'd better take care of your things," Hiccup spoke, struggling to keep his voice even and his hands still, with limited success, as the memory of Dagur's fingers on his flesh struggles to climb to the front of his mind. "Otherwise people might try and steal them away."

Jack moves so fast that Hiccup wonders momentarily if he flew.

Jack's standing in front of him, hands gripping his shoulders tightly and forcing him to meet his eyes, which are full of an icy rage that Hiccup really hopes isn't directed at him.  
"What did he do?" he demands, eyes echoing a familiar protectiveness that makes Hiccup's chest ache with longing. "Did he hurt you?"

Hiccup's own eyes sharpen with acrid bitterness and his jaw clenches in a stubborn line. "Strange as this may sound to you Jack, I'm not actually a damsel, and I **don't **need you to fight my battles for me."

He tries to step out of Jack's hold only to have the grip around his shoulder's tighten.

"Hiccup, you don't understand, Dagur…he's dangerous." Jack insists, eyes pleading for Hiccup to listen to him.

Too little too late.

If he wanted Hiccup to listen, he should have called on one of the many nights that Hiccup wasted his valuable time staring at the phone and willing it to ring.

"Then I guess next time you should put some more thought into how you pick your friends." He spits out, tone rivaling the harshness of Jack's two years ago, though _his _voice is not slurred by alcohol thrumming throughout his veins.  
Jack flinches back and his grip on Hiccup's shoulders lessens enough for Hiccup to twist away and walk back over to his table; where his friends are all half out of their seats and watching him carefully as he sits back down and tears into his lunch with startling ferocity, not saying a word as he does so.

Thankfully, no one asks him to.

* * *

Later, when they are alone in the library, he expects Astrid to, but she just works on her review packages, sending him concerned looks when she thinks he won't notice.

Finally, he can't take it any longer.

"Did you know," He begins, eyes not leaving the pages of his book, a short story anthology by Neil Smith, and Astrid's attention snaps to him immediately. "That the human heart is only three centimeters below the skin?"

Astrid puts down her pencil and regards him warily; with a hint of confusion, as though he is some crazed animal that will strike out the moment she takes her eyes of him.

"That's why, most of the time, people who get stabbed in the chest die of their injuries."

Nothing but silence and Astrid's concerned, but steady gaze meets this fact, and he continues.

"Surprising, huh? I mean, most people think your heart is somewhere deep in your chest, protected heavily by your rib cage and lungs. But instead it's only three centimeters in, not really protected at all; remind me to send God or whoever a gift basket to thank them for that. Or a giant 'up yours'."

"Hiccup—" Astrid begins.

"I mean," Hiccup says, and he can feel his throat constricting. "You would think, given how fucking easy it is to how your heart broken in the metaphysical sense, that God would've thought, oh, better cut these guys a break, and make it more difficult for your heart to be broken in the physiological sense. But nope,"He has to pause here, take a deep breath and fight back the tears gathering in his eyes. "We don't even get that."

Astrid gets up from her seat and walks around the table to sit next to him, placing a comforting hand on his back. "Hiccup,"

She searches for the right words; the right words to mend the aching hole in Hiccup's gut and the painful ripple of old betrayal and abandonment humming beneath his skin.

But in the end, she can only come up with the reply that humans have likely given each other for millennia. "I'm sorry."

He lets out a choked sort of noise, half sob and half laugh, and sends her a wry smile that breaks her heart.

"Yeah, me too."

* * *

Hiccup is walking home from the library when he first hears it.

Footsteps.

He glances over his shoulder, and groans.

Shaking his head and sighing, he continues walking, deciding to wait for the footsteps and their owner to disappear. But when he is passing by the entranceway to the park and they are still there, his patience runs out and he stops.

"You know," He calls out, and he can practically see the owner of the footsteps freeze, "Stalking is a crime punishable by up to five years in prison; ten for repeated offenses." He turns and crosses his arm across his chest, eyebrows raised.

Jack crosses his arms and glares stubbornly back at him. "I have to walk this way to get home too, you know."

Hiccup rolls his eyes. "And I suppose you just happened to be walking home at the exact same time I was and just _happened_ to stay exactly ten feet behind me the whole time."  
Jack shuffles his feet, but keeps his gaze firm. "Yeah, as it happens, I did."  
"So you won't mind if I just 'happen' to call the police then?" Hiccup asked dryly.  
"Only if you don't mind me just 'happening' to get a certain call from a friend asking me to be as far away from here as possible." Jack states calmly, though a tiny twinkle of mirth plays in his eyes.

Hiccup frowns.

"I told you; I don't need you to be my knight in shining armor, Jack."  
Jack shrugs. "Yeah, well, you know me; always want to play the hero."

Hiccup feels something hard and ugly coil in his gut.

"So, this is just you pretending to be the hero and defending the poor, defenseless princess from the big bad monster?" He spits, fury rising. "Newsflash Jack, I'm not a princess, and for the last time, I Don't. Need. Saving."

"No! That isn't what I mean, I just—just please, just listen to me," Jack crosses the distance between them, and Hiccup finds himself overcome with the need to chuck everything that he can get his hands on at him. "I'm not doing this to be a hero, I'm doing this because I—I'm worried about you. Dagur…he doesn't play around."  
Hiccup lets out a bitter laugh. "_You're_ worried about me? Yeah right."

"Hiccup, please—"

"No." Hiccup steps away from him. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to decide that you don't want to be friends with 'a stupid kid that ruins everything he touches' one minute, and then decide you want to be besties again the next."

Jack flinches at the harsh tone and the memory inspired by Hiccup's words. "Look, I know I was an asshole that night and I'm sorry." He runs a hand through his hair. "You can not _believe_ how sorry I am, but Dagur—"

"You're right." Hiccup cuts him off again bluntly. "I can't believe how 'sorry' you are."

"Hiccup, I know you're angry but please, just—"

"You know? How do you know anything?" Hiccup takes another step back, clenching his hands into fists to try and stop them from shaking so much. "You'd have to actually talk to me to _know_ anything, Jack."

"I didn't think you'd want to talk to me." Jack says, eyes pleading with Hiccup to understand. "Please just…God, back then everything…everything was such a mess…my grades were at rock bottom at school, my parents were arguing again…my mom…" He stops, trying to still the trembling in his own hands. "She was drinking again…and I wanted to keep you away from all that, I wanted to protect you. But then I got lonely, and stressed and I just…I just wanted a way to forget about it all; and then I met Dagur. And he…he got me into drinking and introduced me to his friends, and I had people to hang out with and surround myself with. But I didn't want you to see me like that, and I didn't want Dagur or any of them to know about you…and I'm not going to lie, half of it was wanting to keep you safe and the other half was wanting them to think I was cool; so that they wouldn't leave me on my own again."

He takes a deep breath. "But then, you showed up on my porch and I was so embarrassed that you had seen me like that, and that they had seen you, and…and I was dick. I just…it was like you brought this huge big wave of reality with you that I'd been trying so hard to run from and I just couldn't handle it. I wanted so badly for them to accept me that I hurt you to do it; and the moment I did it I was sorry. The next day I woke up and I called Dagur and told him that I didn't want to hang out with them anymore, that I was done with the drinking and the partying." Jack chuckles humorlessly. "He didn't take it very well."

He rests his gaze back on Hiccup. "I wanted to call you right after, but I was afraid that you wouldn't answer, that you'd given up on me."

"Well, asshole, you figured wrong." Hiccup snaps, though his tone is far less harsh and his lips are trembling slightly, and part of him wants to snatch back the words even as they continue to tumble past his lips. "I waited for weeks, months even, for you to call. I wasted so much time sitting by that stupid phone, waiting for it to ring and you're telling me that you didn't call because you were too _scared_?"

"I wanted to call you, I really did, God," Jack's hands twitch at his sides. "I missed you so much."

Hiccup swallows and averts his gaze from Jack's eyes, too scared that he'll be taken in by the care and concern there before being left with nothing once again.

"So why are you telling me all this now?" He asks. "Because of Dagur?"

Jack's face hardens immediately and he steps closer to Hiccup; as though the very mention of the name from Hiccup's lips will cause him to materialize. Hiccup stifles a snort at the idea as another one of his favorite books flocks to mind before he waves the thought away to focus on Jack's words.

"After I stopped hanging around with Dagur, I joined this group called "Guardians of Childhood" that helps kids with addictions kick their habits. That's where I meet Tooth, Sandy, and Bunny—"

"You have friends that are legitimately called Bunny and Tooth?"

Jack smiles slightly before waving his hand dismissively. "They're nicknames."

"I'm hearing that a lot lately." Hiccup mutters under his breath.

"They're really good people, and they really helped me out when I needed it. So, I started volunteering with them there in my free time, and for a while everything was fine." He sighs. "Until a week or so ago, when I tried to get the other kids that Dagur had wrapped around his finger to join up; which he didn't take very well.  
He confronted me about it a few days ago at school, and he started saying…threatening to…we ended up getting into a fight that some teachers had to break up."

Realization dawns on Hiccup. "You gave him that black eye."

Jack's hands clench as though aching to do it again. "Yeah…yeah, that was me."

"So if you're the one that he's so pissed at, why the hell is he coming after me?"  
Jack shuffled from side to side nervously. "Before we got into the fight, he was kept trying to say stuff to rile me up. Stuff about my mom, about my grades, anything that he thought might get under my skin; and when that didn't work, he started talking about you."

Hiccup feels his heart skip anxiously. "Me?"

"Yeah. He mentioned how he'd seen you in the halls the other day, that you were just as cute as ever, and was I absolutely sure you weren't a girl?" Jack's voice is taking on an icy edge, though trembling slightly on the edges. "And then he said, that it didn't matter if you were or not, it wasn't going to stop him from—"

Jack cuts himself off and Hiccup feels his stomach twist violently as his mind fills in the rest of Jack's sentence. Jack takes several deep breaths, trying to calm the fury raging through his veins, and Hiccup is struck with the sudden desire to reach out and tangle their fingers together like Jack always used to.

He shoves this impulse down, anger and battered pride still pulsing through his veins at the thought, though some part of him (a part with an increasingly irritating and officious voice that he's trying very hard not to listen to) knows it's irrational to hold on so stubbornly to the pain he received at the hands of Jack's transgression. But then again, another part of him is currently screaming, "Screw you!" at the top of its lungs. So, all things considered, he thinks he is dealing with the situation with an inordinate amount of grace.

"I wanted to kill him." Jack says, and Hiccup is broken away from his thoughts and jarred sharply back to reality, taken aback by the intensity and sheer hatred behind Jack's words. Jack is still breathing deeply but his fists are shaking now, and he glances up, his eyes roving all over Hiccup's body as though checking for any sign of damage and Hiccup feels his face heat up slightly under his scrutiny. "Did he do anything to you when he gave you the message?"

Hiccup raises his hands up in defense and slight fear, unnerved by this ferocious Jack, and moves a few steps back from Jack. "Look, like I told you—"

Jack's gaze zeros in on his right arm, his eyes narrowing and his whole body going as still as a statue.

"What the **hell** is **that**?" Hiccup freezes at the pure, unadulterated fury in his voice and follows his frigid gaze to where the top of his sleeve has fallen down slightly, revealing the top part of the handprint-shaped bruise that Dagur has left on his wrist. He glances back at Jack, who looks as though he's already planned out exactly where to bury Dagur's body and lowers his arm as fast he can.

"It's nothing—" He begins to say, only to have Jack reach down and grab his lower arm, pulling down his sleeve all the way and gazing at the deep bluish-green of the bruise.

He stares at it for a moment before raising his eyes to meet Hiccup's, his immovable blue eyes demanding answers.

"What else did he do to you that you're not telling me?" He yell-whispers at Hiccup, whose own eyes harden and he struggles to rip his arm away from Jack.

"New flash, Frost, I don't have to tell you anything; now let me go!"

Jack's grip tightens and Hiccup throws his free arm up into the air in exasperation, sighing heavily.

"Ok, fine, since you're so desperate to know, I told him I didn't want to be his little messenger boy and he got pissed and grabbed my wrist and he told me that unless I told you what he wanted to know, he'd use me and Astrid as target practice. So I agreed."

Jack nods tersely. "Anything else?"

Hiccup pauses for a moment, unsure of how to phrase his next words, and of how Jack will react.

"Hiccup?" Jack questions, his tone already letting on that he fears the worst.

Hiccup sighs, the heartfelt worry in Jack's voice piercing through his carefully constructed façade. "He told me that he 'knew I was smart enough to make the right call' and then told me the message and…he…just brought his face really close to mine like some kind of creep and brushed his thumb against my lips and then left." He shrugs, trying to project a coolness that he doesn't feel, his hands shaking slightly as the memory rises to to the front of his mind.

Jack's nostrils flare and he drops Hiccup's arm like it's a hot iron rod, and Hiccup wonders whether he can add a knuckle sandwich to that 'up yours' he plans to send God later.

Jack starts to march away and Hiccup feels his heart skip a beat as his 'Jack is about to so something really stupid' sense starts tingling.

Which hasn't happened for almost two years now, so the sudden rush sends a spiral of Déjà vu running through him that distracts him momentarily and gives Jack a good ten second head start.

"Jack, Jack wait!" He calls, running after him, and grabbing his forearm. Jack stops walking, but doesn't turn to face him.  
"Let me go Hiccup." Jack says, his voice so purposefully cold and emotionless that it sends shivers down Hiccup's spine.  
Hiccup snorts with a whole lot more bravado than he feels.  
"And let you do something incredibly stupid that will probably end with you dead in a bush or the bottom of a lake somewhere?"

Jack still doesn't turn around. "Why do you care? Don't you hate me?"

Hiccup starts to shake slightly, swallowing to try and keep his throat from closing up.  
It's never been about hating Jack.

"That doesn't mean I want you dead, you dick."

"Yeah, well I'm going to take Dagur with me, so…" Jack mutters and tries to shake off Hiccup's trembling hold.

"What about your friends? Do you think they're going to be ok with you just going off and dying? Just disappearing from their lives altogether?"

Hiccup's voice begins to take on a desperate edge, but Jack doesn't seem to notice.

"It's got nothing to do with you Hiccup, now let me go."

Hiccup's grip tightens on Jack's arms, his whole body shaking now, and tears begin to gather in his eyes despite how hard he tries to fight them back.

A strangled murmur of a sob slips through his lips, finally drawing Jack's attention back to him.

"Hiccup?" He says, concern flooding his voice, turning back to Hiccup as he stands there, hunched over slightly and sobbing. "Hiccup, why are you—"

"You're such a fucking jerk!" Hiccup shouts at him, punching him in the chest and letting go of his arm, shoving him backwards and causing his mouth to drop in an almost perfect 'O' of shock. "A stupid, arrogant, asshole that decides to bail whenever the going gets tough and leave everyone behind, and then comes up with shitty excuses to use to try and absolve himself from any blame."

He raises his angry gaze to Jack's; rogue tears still escaping from his hard green eyes. "Well you know what Jack? Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid hero-complex, fuck you and your stupid over-protectiveness, fuck you for making me think that you actually gave a damn what I, or what anyone else other than you, want. Fuck you for…for…"

_**For not noticing I was, and still am, though God knows why, in love with you.**_

Jack crosses the area between them and reaches out towards Hiccup, but stops barely millimeters away; keeping his hand in mid-air for a moment before letting it fall back to his side.

"I'm sorry."

Hiccup glares at him, suddenly furious again. "You think that just magically makes everything better, jackass?"  
Jack shakes his head. "No, I don't. I wish it did, but I know it won't. But I also know it's true."

There's a moment of heavy silence between them before the fight bleeds from Hiccup's features and he slumps forward slightly, running a hand through his hair.

"Whatever," He mumbles, exhausted beyond belief. "Look, it's late; I've got to get home or my Dad's going to flip." It's not true, his Dad is at yet another conference, but Jack doesn't need to know that.

He turns away, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and starts to walk forward, only to be stopped by the gentle pressure of Jack's hand on his wrist.

"Let me walk you home."

Hiccup shakes Jack's hand off and begins walking again. "No thanks."

"Hiccup, please." Jack begs. "I just want to make sure that you get home alright."

Hiccup pauses and turns back to Jack, regarding him carefully for a moment. "If I let you walk me home, will you swear not to go out and try to find Dagur?"

Jack hesitates for a moment but then nods. "I promise."

Hiccup watches him for a moment more before he starts to walk forward again, calling back as he listens to Jack begin to settle back into his former pace, ten feet behind him, "You'd better walk beside me though; someone might think you're actually stalking me if you don't."

Jack flushes slightly but a half-smile springs to his lips as well, unseen by Hiccup, whose back is turned. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Hiccup rolls his eyes as Jack jogs up to walk beside him. "It's called common sense, you should try and employ it sometime."

* * *

If Hiccup's honest, it's kind of sad how easily Jack begins to slip back into his life after that.

Astrid and the others don't like him much at first; well, the others tolerate him, exchanging some bare minimum words with him whenever he stops by their table on the way to his at lunch. Astrid however, stiffens immediately and shoots him a look that lets Jack know that she's plotting his imminent demise and all the different ways she can make him disappear from Hiccup's life forever. Jack responds to this by steadfastly not looking at anyone but Hiccup whenever he stops by to make sure that Dagur hasn't made any more threats. He also waits outside the library when Hiccup tutors Astrid in order to walk him home.

The first few times they barely talk at all, but after a while, they both begin to grow slightly bored by the silence and start talking about anything and everything, taking care to leave a certain individual out of their conversations, who neither has seen hide nor tail of in the past week; and Hiccup finds himself enjoying their conversations immensely.

Though unknown to Jack, right after the first time he had walked him home; Hiccup had run into their kitchen and called the police to make a complaint about Dagur. The policeman had been very helpful, commending him on his bravery for reporting it and telling him that he'd speak to his principal about it. And the next day the principle had called him into his office and told him that he'd given Dagur two week's suspension and that the police were going to be watching him carefully.

Hiccup sighs as he does his math homework, a little unsure of whether he has done the right thing, worried that it will only irritate Dagur further. Toothless nudges against him and Hiccup reaches down to pet him, eliciting a satisfied 'purr' from the furry creature.

As he pets Toothless, another person who he has tried not to think too much about swims to the front of his mind, someone with white hair, and blue eyes to match his favorite blue hoody.  
Jack has started to fit back into his life again, and Hiccup isn't sure whether or not that's is strictly a good thing.

Or whether it's a bad thing for that matter.

Because if Jack gets close to him again, if they become like they were before again, but Jack bails as soon as the Dagur thing passes over, Hiccup's not really sure he can handle going through that all again. He supposes it might be easier to deal with now that he has some friends behind him this time, but he doesn't think it'll hurt any less.

With a sigh he stops petting Toothless and puts his head in his hands, the effort of this whole thing plus his schoolwork exhausting him beyond belief.

Toothless gives a petulant meow and hops onto the counter, head-butting Hiccup's hands until he raises his head and looks back at him. Toothless cocks his head to the side curiously, taking in the fatigued gaze of his friend, and meows concernedly.

Hiccup sighs again and smiles sadly back at Toothless. "It's all a bit of a mess right now, huh bud?"

Toothless meows again in what, to Hiccup's ears, sounds like an agreement.

* * *

It's amid all this confusion that Astrid decides to kiss him.

He is standing outside of the library, waiting for Jack, who for some reason is about five minutes late already, when he hears footsteps come running down the stone steps behind him.

"Hiccup!" Astrid calls, and Hiccup turns to face her with a smile.  
"Hey Astrid, did you forget something?"

She comes to a stop behind him, her cheeks flushed slightly from the effort of running and from something else, but Hiccup doesn't know that yet.

She shifts her satchel on her shoulder slightly and shuffles her feet a little as she speaks. "Yeah; I forgot to thank you."  
Hiccup's brow furrows in confusion. "Thank me?"  
She nods. "Yeah, thanks to you I'm getting 89% in biology, so…"  
His eyes widen slightly in surprise before he smiles. "Oh, um, thanks, Astrid, but you know, it's mostly you; you're really smart once you put your mind to things."

Her flush deepens. "Thanks."

There is a moment of silence where they hold each other's gaze, and Hiccup is just about to ask if there was anything else she needed when she rushes forwards suddenly and pushes his lips against his.

Hiccup feels his eyes fly open in shock at the soft, but determined pressure of her lips against his, too stunned to move. He can taste the slightest hint of her cherry lip balm as she tilts her head slightly to get a better angle. But, he feels nothing more that a slight sense of awkwardness and shock stirring within him, certainly nothing close to the kind of affection that Astrid is asking from him.

After a few moments, when she realizes that he isn't kissing back, Astrid pulls away, her eyes hooded and glimmering sadly.

"Thought so…" She mumbles, dejection emitting from her in waves, and Hiccup feels his own heart break for her.  
"Astrid, I'm sorry, I just don't—" He begins, guilt gnawing through his words.

"Hiccup?"

Jack's voice cuts through the heavy air surrounding the two of them, drawing their gazes to his stunned figure.

"Jack—" Hiccup starts.

"Excuse me, but would you mind leaving Hiccup alone for a few _seconds_?" Astrid spits, eyes glaring daggers at Jack. "We're in the middle of something here."

Jack stares at her in shock for those few seconds, before he recovers and sets his mouth into a grim line. He storms across the ground towards them, grabbing Hiccup by his forearm and glaring his own daggers back at Astrid. "Hiccup has a curfew he needs to get home for, so _no_, I _can't_."

Hiccup shakes his arm free and shoots Jack a deadly look of his own. "_Hiccup_ can decide for himself."

Jack's mouth twitches and he grabs Hiccup's forearm again. "_**Hiccup**_, is too young to be doing things like this."

Hiccup scoffs and pulls his arm free again, turning to face Jack, anger already beginning to flow through his veins. "I seem to recall you doing a whole lot worse than this when you were my age."  
Jack flinches ever so slightly. "That was different." He tells him harshly.

Hiccup shakes his head in disbelief. "So you're allowed to do whatever you want, while I get treated like a two year old?"  
Jack's hands clench into fists. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Why don't you just come out with it?" Astrid asks, her tone acrid enough to slice through iron bars. "You're just jealous because someone else decided to kiss Hiccup before you got the chance."

A heavy pall of silence follows Astrid's words and Hiccup stares at Jack, his own heartbeat suddenly very loud in his ears, who is looking everywhere but him, his jaw clenched tightly. "Jack?"

Jack turns to look at him, his eyes so glacial and hard that Hiccup flinches slightly.

He grabs Hiccup's forearm again, and this time Hiccup doesn't shake loose. "I'm taking you home."  
Hiccup turns to face Astrid as Jack begins tugging him away. "Astrid—"

She shakes her head, smiling softly at him, though her eyes remain hard. "Don't worry Hiccup, I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright?"

Hiccup starts to nod his understanding but Jack begins to tug him along faster and he has to turn so can keep up.

After a few minutes of this, Jack finally begins to slow down, and by the time Hiccup's house is in sight he lets go of Hiccup's arm and stops completely.

Hiccup rubs his sore forearm and looks at Jack, carefully, considering whether or not to release the words dancing on the tip of his tongue.

"Was she right?" They fall from his lips anyway.

Jack stiffens right away, and Hiccup expects him to whirl around and deny it vehemently; to tell Hiccup that he was just looking out for him, but then his shoulders slump and all the fight goes out of his body.  
He turns to face Hiccup, and Hiccup can feel his heartbeat grower steadily louder in his ears with each step that Jack takes towards him; the pounding sending blood and adrenaline racing throughout his body, as a familiar sort of heat starts to gather in his lower abdomen.

Jack stops just a few inches before him; the only thing separating their bodies is a thin layer of air that seems to close in around Hiccup, causing his breath to hitch slightly in throat as Jack raises his hand and runs it through Hiccup's auburn hair.

He flicks beautiful green eyes up to meet blue ones staring back at him with a kind of adoration that Hiccup wants nothing more than to bottle up and bathe in whenever he can. Jack's hand moves down to cup his cheek, lifting his chin up slightly, and he leans down, crossing the space between them slowly to push his lips against Hiccup's. It's warm, and soft, and sends tingles running down Hiccup's spine; he brings his hands up to Jack's upper back in an effort to bring him in closer and begins kissing him back. Jack responds to this with fervor, raising his other hand to the back of Hiccup's head and bringing him in even closer to the kiss. When they finally break away, they are both breathing heavily, their eyes opening slowly and meeting the other's hazy gaze.

Until guilt begins to cloud in bright blue eyes and Jack stumbles backwards, taking all the warmth and pleasant feelings he brought with him.

"I shouldn't have done that." He mumbles, and Hiccup feels his heart crack.  
"What?" He breathes, still a little short of breath.

Jack looks at Hiccup briefly and then looks away again. "I just…you're so young…oh my god."  
Hiccup goes quiet for a moment. "Sorry."

Jack looks up at him, shock rushing into his features. "No! It's not…I'm not saying…I just…" He tails off with a groan of frustration and shakes his head, one hand massaging his temple as though he is trying to ward off a massive migraine.

Hiccup glances up at him, a hollow feeling spreading throughout his chest, erasing any emotion from his voice.

"Technically it's not illegal unless we have sex."

Jack looks as though he's just offered to throw himself off a bridge. "Oh my god, how can you even think about that right now?"

Silence falls between them for a few moments and Hiccup looks down at his shoes. "Look, I get it, I'm too young, and it'll be a hassle for you if people find out. It's fine, I understand."

"No, that's not it, I just…" Jack trails off uncertainly. "I just don't want to screw you up any more than I already have."

Hiccup's head shoots up to look at him and he raises his eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Jack slaps his palm to his forehead. "That came out wrong, I'm sorry."

"You haven't screwed me up at all." Hiccup tells him, his hands beginning to shake slightly. "I'm fine."

He starts to walk forward. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet my curfew."

He pushes past Jack without meeting his eyes. "We'll talk once you figure out how to communicate without sticking your foot in your mouth."

Jack opens his mouth to say something, but ends up just closing it without a sound, and Hiccup heads into his empty house without another word.

* * *

The next day he heads into Biology, planning to go back to his old seat in the corner, but Astrid sees him and waves him over to his usual desk, beside hers.

He hesitates for a moment, but she starts waving harder, and he finds himself making his way over anyway. He sits down beside her as though she is a bomb that might go off at any second, and braces himself for the imminent impact.

Except it doesn't come.

She just reads over her study notes that he helped her make and tells him in a deceptively casual voice, clearly meant to hide the fact that her eyes are slightly red and swollen, that she's sorry for kissing him, and that she hopes they can still be friends.

He looks at her, and wonders how she finds the strength to be so brave as a rush of guilty relief crashes through him and causes his whole body to slump slightly.

He smiles at her and says that he'd like that, and she nods and smiles back at him, her eyes flicking over to his for a moment before they go back to her sheet and she starts wondering aloud about whether the lunch menu will shock the populace of the school and actually be edible for once.

* * *

It's later this same day that Dagur finally catches up with him.

He's walking back from the bathroom in third block when he feels a hand on his should one second before he's shoved hard against the wall, Dagur's arm cutting into his windpipe.

Dagur grins at him, a mad gleam in his eyes. "Hey, Hic, missed me?"

"About as much as Will Graham missed Hannibal." Hiccup tells him, shifting slightly to try and relive the pressure at his throat and get more air into his lungs.

Dagur either doesn't get the reference or ignores it and continues smiling madly. "Seems some little shit told on me, I was suspended for two weeks while the police sniffed around me." He pushes against Hiccup's windpipe a little harder. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, Hic?"

Hiccup shrugs as best he can. "Can't say I have Dagur, now if you don't mind, I have to get back to class."  
He tries to shift away from Dagur's hold and ends up getting pressed against the wall harder, the bottom corner of a bulletin board digging into his lower back.

"Oh, no, you're not going anywhere, Hic." Dagur tells him, and Hiccup wrinkles his nose at his breath as his face gets closer and closer to his. "You see, telling on people isn't Jack's style; he'd much rather deal with it himself, part of his little hero-complex. But you," Dagur snarls, "You think you're smarter than that, don't you Hiccup?"

Hiccup looks Dagur straight in the eyes, his gaze unwavering. "If you don't let go of me right now, I'll make you let go of me."

Dagur laughs. "I'd like to see you try."

Hiccup shrugs again. "You asked for it."

And with that, he brings his knee up into Dagur's crotch.

Dagur gives a cry of pain and stumbles backwards, freeing Hiccup from his position up against the wall and allowing him to suck in welcome gasps of air.

Dagur recovers and charges at Hiccup with an angry roar; Hiccup, however, ducks out of the way and scampers behind him, turning and landing a kick on Dagur's lower back as he does so. Dagur falls forwards slightly, but catches himself and turns to face Hiccup, lunching forward with his fist and landing a glancing blow on Hiccup's face; knocking him back slightly and causing his head to spin. He quickly gathers himself in time to avoid Dagur's next punch and lands a roundhouse kick to his solar plexus; causing the bigger boy to crumple in on himself, cringing in pain.

Hiccup straightens up; he can hear the sound of running footsteps in the hall towards them, probably teachers coming to see what the noise was all about. As he turns his head in the direction he hears them coming from, he catches a glint of steel and movement in his peripheral vision, causing his attention to snap immediately back at Dagur; just in time for him to step back as Dagur slashes him with his knife.

Hiccup hears a gasp of horror from his left and stumbles slightly, wincing at the stinging pain coming from the long, but shallow, cut across his chest, and privately mourning the loss of one of his favorite t-shirts. He shakes those feelings aside, however, and catches Dagur's arm and disarms him before he can land another hit.

Dagur falls to his knees, his arms wrapped around his stomach, clearly in an inordinate amount of pain. Hiccup watches as Mr. Collins, his art teacher, pulls Dagur to his feet with a look of utter disgust on his face and the librarian, Miss. Bennet rushes over and begins to fuss over him.

Grabbing his shoulder, she steers him down the hall to the principal's office to see the school nurse, while Mr. Collins takes Dagur in to see the principle.

And as Hiccup sits in the nurse's offices, amid the sting of the iodine cleansing his cut as the nurse bandages him up, he can't help but feel a sort of vindication and pride for proving that he can manage very well by himself thank-you very much.

He's also extremely thankful that Gober had the foresight to teach him self-defense when he was eleven.

* * *

After the nurse is done with him, he's called into the principal's office, where he is told that Dagur has been expelled, and that a formal complaint has been filed to the police, who will likely want to talk to him later about what happened.

He breathes a sigh of relief as he leaves the office, feeling as though a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders, confident in the belief that Dagur won't be so keen to try and mess with him again now that he know that he won't be so easy to push over.

He makes his way to his locker, planning to just grab his stuff and head home for the day, only to find Jack leaning against it.  
Jack looks up and catches sight of his bruised the face, the tear in his shirt that reveals the soft, white bandage underneath and nearly flies across the hall again to get to him. "What happened?" He demands, "Was it Dagur?"  
Hiccup nods. "But it's alright," He tells him, "I took care of him."

Jack's eyes widen in surprise. "What do you mean, you 'took care of him?'"

He smiles. "I mean that Dagur's probably going to think twice about trying to push me around anytime soon."

Jack raises his eyebrow. "So, basically what you're telling me is that I should 'see the other guy'?"

"Brilliant Sherlock, is there no end to your deductive powers?" Hiccup says, rolling his eyes slightly as a smile begins to tug at the corners of his lips.  
"Ah, it's elementary my dear Watson." Jack replies, his eyes shining with that old familiar mirth that has Hiccup's heart skipping a beat.

There is a moment of silence between them before Jack clears his throat.

"So, I figured out what I was trying to say."

Hiccup crosses his arms, wincing slightly at the twinge it sends through his chest, but raises his eyebrow at Jack at the same. "Well, then, don't let me stop you."

Jack nods before taking in a deep breath and continuing.

"It's not that you're too young, or that I'm afraid of people looking down on us if they find out we're together; I just don't want you to feel like you have to be with me, and I don't want you to get hurt."  
"By hurt, you mean bullied because I'm in a relationship with another guy." Hiccup states quietly, and Jack hesitates a moment before he nods.  
"Though I hate to admit it, it'd be a lot easier on you if were to be with someone like that Astrid girl, instead of another guy like me."

Hiccup allows Jack's words to sink in for a moment before walking over to him, stopping a few inches away from him, like they had been the previous night.

"I don't know if you've noticed," Hiccup begins, raising his eyes to meet's Jack's in a steady, unwavering gaze, "but I've never really had anything that was easy; I think if I did now, I'd just get bored."  
He lowers his gaze to where Jack's hand rests at his side. "And besides, nothing good is ever easy, is it?"

He reaches forwards and begins to tangle their hands together, pausing halfway and gazing back up at Jack, waiting for his answer.

Jack looks back at him, that same adoration from before shining brightly from within his eyes, and smiles. He raises his free hand to ghost over the bruise on Hiccup's face and brushes the side of Hiccup's cheek with his knuckles. "Yeah."

And then he finishes tangling their fingers together until their hands fit together perfectly once more.

* * *

I hope that you enjoyed the story!  
^^


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